I know

I love you. And I mean that I really love you. It's the big one. I mean true love! Okay??
I'm sorry if this is pressure... but it's not based off of any ideas I have in my mind. It's based of off what I've experienced.

I love you.
I just know.
I know because I don't get tired of your smile.
I know because every time we kiss I still get that feeling of excitement all throughout my body.
I know because when I hug you I feel okay. Which is a big deal honestly.
I know because your absence is impossible to ignore.
I know because when I drive with you in the car it's goddam hard to keep my eyes on the road.
I know because you can burp louder than me and it pisses me off.
I know because when I wake up next to you there is absolutely no place I'd rather be.
I know because when we wake up it usually takes us a few more hours to get up.
I know because you're the perfect little spoon.
I know because I can say things to you and feel better. Things that if I tell anyone else end up making me feel worse.
I know because I can hold your hair back and watch you throw up for a while and still not have a doubt in my mind about how much I love you.
I know because you make me contemplate the future.
I know because I look at you and I genuinely think that you're the most beautiful girl on the planet.
I know because I feel so incredibly lucky to have you in my life.
I know because I genuinely care about you. I don't care about a whole lot.
I know because you make me remember that I'm not sad. That's not who I am.
I know because of so many reasons.
I know because you give me new reasons all the time.
I know that you're just a girl. But I'm just a guy. And I wanna be just that with you. Because I am in love with you.
And I just know it.

Beard Log: Day 4

Beard Log Day 4. Date 6.15.15. Progress is slow. In fact it seems almost hopeless at this point. I fear that my beard will be a disappointment when you return. Perhaps not though. The pictures do not show the full extent of my beard, so it could still be a surprise. The beard at this point is taking control of my life. It has a complete hold on my emotions and has taken up giving me mood swings as a pastime of late. When will it end. I need it to end. Anyways, it sounds like you had a good day in the city today which makes me tremendously happy. Seriously! I live for your happiness. If I'm being honest, I had a very very terrible day. Some people said some things to me that absolutely sucked. Hard. I'll tell you about it later if you remind me, but I didn't wanna text about them. But you made it better. You always make things better Zoë. I'm gonna say something pretty cheesy here but who really gives a hoot. You make me believe that soul mates exist. Really I used to think it was a dumb concept. But I found you. And you're it. I mean you're the end game. Honest to god I think about you and I'm content. You're what I want out of life. I want to be with you. I didn't even used to think about what I wanted to be when I grow up. But now I know what I want to be. I want to be yours. It's pretty incredible really. I love you Zoë. Miss you badly sugar. But I'll see you real soon.
-Joey

Beard Log: Day 3

Beard Log Day 3. Date 6.14.15. The beard is becoming a burden. It is becoming less soft as well as more hair is arriving. I have arrived at the conclusion that very minimal hair will grow on my cheeks. Thus forming a natural goatee as it were. I have accepted this fate for my beard. The hair on my neck is out of control. I want to shave it all off. But I will persevere in the name of science. And I will persevere for you. I fear that the pictures I have been uploading do not reveal what my beard truly has become. Each day it progresses slowly, but each day adds up. Soon it will become long and obnoxious. Anyways, I hope you had a better day today than you have been having. I miss you a whole lot, and I wish that you were having a better time. Eugene is a hell of a lot worse without you here. I did go shopping though and bought some clothes that are gonna drive you crazy I think (in a good way). I wish that you were having a better trip. Well I wish that you were here... Actually I wish that I was there with you so you could show everything. I swear to god Zoë, you better take me to SF sometime this summer. We'll stop by for a few days on our way to the Grand Canyon, or maybe on the way back. You seem to be worried about the future today. I get that. I get it a lot. I used to worry about the future a whole lot until you told me that everything will be the way it's supposed to be. It resonated I guess. Before, I always thought that nothing is supposed to be like anything. But I've realized that I'm supposed to be with you. I just know it okay?! Trust me. It will be okay. Wow this stopped being about my beard... I'll leave it at that for now I suppose. Love you more than life sweetness. I'll see you soon.
-Joey

Beard Log: Day 2

Beard Log Day 2. Date 6.13.15.  If my calculations are correct, then it has been 5 days since I last shaved. Like before, things are progressing slowly, but progress is evident. The beard still feels very soft of my face and has not become unwieldy in any sense of the term. However, my face is almost beginning to feel larger because of it. It is an experience that is not pleasurable to say the least. In fact it is almost traumatic as it reminds me of what my face once was in terms of largeness: fat. My hypothesis at this moment is that any change in the beard will be very difficult to notice when observed on a day to day basis, but at the end, a change will be easy to see compared to the beginning. Anyways, I'm sorry that your day was difficult again. I'm sure that it must be unimaginably irritating because San Francisco is one of your favorite cities. Hang in there girly. Just try to enjoy what you can and not let other things get to you. I miss you tons. And I know that most people would say that that's a bad sign, but I don't think that it has to be taken that way necessarily. Yeah it's tough and stuff, but it'll all be okay in the end. Because "everything will be the way that it's supposed to be". And Zoë I am supposed to be with you. Love you past infinity. Peace baby girl. See you soon.
-Joey

You.

Sometimes when I'm laying in bed alone, and especially when I'm lying next to you,  I have a thought. I have a lot of thoughts all the time. I'm usually a little stuck in my head if I'm being honest. That's not the point though. The point is I have this reoccurring thought that leaks into my life whenever I have any sort of lapse in my usual stream of consciousness. 

The thought is simple really. It goes something like this:

There are so many millions of things in the world that people strive to have. A nice car, a big house, even a nice latte. It's normal, the list of wants that people have. I just think my list is shorter, because all I want is you.

But then there's this whole other problem. The problem with what you need vs. what you want. Because when I think about what I need the answer is also only you. (And food, water, air, etc..but that's not romantic) 

Anyway, I would have written this in the notebook but I left it at home and figured this would work. 

SF: day 1

San Fransisco makes me think, as many big cities do, in a completely new way. I guess it's because of the exposure to different sorts of people. In a town like Eugene you get trapped in a certain demographic, but in a city you can experience so much more. 

However, the part of this trip that isn't as effervescent, is the people I am sharing it with. The stark differences between my mother, sister, and I are aggravating at best. The world that is so crisp and bright to me seems so muddled and grey to them. And boy are they sensitive, in this way that drives me completely crazy. They can throw around insults all day, but as soon as someone reciprocates they retreat like some sort of injured animal. The worst part about it is that my mom isn't usually like that, but something about my sister makes her naive. I don't think they're ever going to understand how I am, but I think that'll be okay. I'd rather be me than anyone else. 

Beard Log: Day 1

Beard Log. Date 6.12.15. It has been about 4 days since I last shaved. Progress is slow, but considerable. My face is no longer scratchy. It's become a thin soft layer of hair. Visibility is minimal, especially from a distance. However, up close you can easily make out the thin layer of hair. But I fear that the moustache part is becoming perverse, and will only continue to worsen the situation that is arising on my face. Anyways, I miss you a whole lot even though it's day one and all. I know you had a rough day with travel but it will be okay I think. You're in San Fran! That's like your favorite place! Basically, the beard is going slowly but well. Okay, I'll see you soon. Love you to death kiddo
-Joey