Hey Zoë. I'm really sorry that you're feeling sad. It's okay to be sad sometimes. Hell if I'm being honest I love being sad sometimes. Sometimes it feels good to feel sad. But sometimes it really really doesn't. Although it's true that I don't know what you're feeling right now, or what's going on in your mind, I do know what it's like to be sad. But I'm gonna say a few things even if it's really not the kind of sad that you're feeling. Because I don't like that you're feeling sad really. I'm not sure how, but I care about you so so deeply. And that's never happened with anything else like it has with you. It's just different, and better, and I can't really explain it but I think you know what I'm talking about. I hope you do. Maybe not right now, but I think that you know somewhere.
Anyways, it seems to me that you're going to big with your thoughts. Again, I obviously have no idea what you're going through exactly, but I just want to try to help because I care about you so much. What I mean by that is that you can only get so broad with your thoughts before they become meaningless. Well not meaningless obviously, but inapplicable. For example, the self-interest theory. You know, the one that says every human act is selfish even if you're trying to be selfless. It's all to make yourself feel better and whatnot. Which is true you know? That all makes sense. But also, it defines selfish so broadly that the word sort of loses it's meaning. Not all of it's meaning, but it's meaning that's applicable to the world that we live in. Another example would be the fact that we can't really know anything. That's true and everything, but also it defines knowledge too broadly and sort of sets it in stone rather than letting knowledge be fluid and ever-changing. So the fact that we can't really know anything is absurd if you ask me. Because even though it's true it doesn't apply to the way that we are able to live. And so you can only get so big before you have to go back to the small.
Because there are things that you know. And there are things that I know. And there are things that you simply think as well. Speculations are just as valid as knowledge. Well, valid in a different sense. Valid in their existence. That's what I was trying to do while we were texting and I asked you to list things that you know. I'm not sure I was doing a very good job of it.
Listen, I'm really sorry if this isn't helping at all, and I'm especially sorry if it's hurting in any way. If it is, please just stop reading because I'm really just letting some thoughts flow because I don't know what else to do.
I've been thinking a lot recently about what you said about there not being any hypocrites because everyone is always changing. It's very very true. Sometimes you phrase things so well and it makes me so happy. Everything is always changing which sucks sometimes. You know? But personally I would rather have a world that it constantly progressing and regressing than a world that always stays the same. Even if the same is complete bliss.
I'm sure that people have already thought of everything I've typed. That always happens. But I'm still usually proud of myself when I come to any form of a conclusion, even though it always ends up changing over time. But I'm still proud because I came to the conclusion myself in my own circumstances that no one else has faced. So even though the thought is not entirely original, originality isn't dead by any means.
Man I hate Togo's sandwiches
I often wonder why time moves at the rate that it does. By that I mean to ask why we perceive time at the rate that we do. What made time move the rate that it does? But then once while I was wondering it, I sort of flipped the question around and came to a conclusion that maybe I'm able to ask such a question because time moves at the rate that it doesn relative to us. Meaning that there's no reason for which time moves at the rate it does, but instead the rate at which time moves is why we are able to question things so clearly and develop a consciousness.
One time I asked you what you thought about consciousness and you said "honestly? I think it's a load of crap". I'm still very curious about that.
For a while, the solution to the question of the meaning of life for me was "who gives a fuck??"
One of my favorite books ever is called The Search For Delicious. This guy is sent on a quest around this land to find the one thing that is the most delicious. It ends up being water. Love it.
I've begun to ramble now more than anything else. So, sorry for that. I hope that you feel better soon. And just know that even if it seems like everything is falling apart doesn't mean that it is. And you can only get so big before you have to go back to the small.
And one last thing that I'm not sure if you know. I'm so goddam proud of you Zoë. Life is pretty painful. But you do a wonderful job of turning it into something beautiful. That's something that I aspire to do. You truly are wonderful.
Love, Joey
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