I'm sorry

I'm not busy how you are, so I have a lot of time to think about things. And a hell of a lot of time to worry about things. I know that you tell me that I won't hold you back, but I'm always going to worry that I will.

Anyway, here's a list of things I miss about us. I'm sorry if I'm smothering you.

1. I'm me with you, and I have been since 8th grade.
2. You've seen me at my worst and you still loved me.
3. When I got sad at night you would tell me everything was okay.
4. We laugh so hard when we are together, even if it's about something really dumb.
5. The movies we watch don't require our full attention, so we can talk through them if we want.
6. Sometimes we just don't stop talking. Even you, who doesn't really talk that much.
7. I love the way that you look at me when you think I won't notice. It makes me feel so special.
8. I miss cooking for you, because you always seemed content to just watch and keep me company.
9. You motivate me. You make me want to do great things.
10. You really make me feel pretty, especially when you can't keep your hands off me.
11. Sex is a big deal to me, but you continue to make me feel so safe that I am so comfortable being intimate with you and I love it.
12. I miss the moment when I saw your prom photo and it had the cutest caption in the world.
13. I miss how my head rests on your chest when I hug you.
14. I really really miss hearing my dogs yelp in excitement and knowing it's you at the door.
15. And listening to you sing along with my stupid pop songs with me in the car.
16. You think I'm smart, even though I'm really not extraordinarily intelligent.
17. You ask me if I've eaten.
18. I miss when you would compliment me but it would come off really awkwardly which made it even more genuine.
19. I miss kissing you, and feeling the stars being created between us.
20. I miss holding hands with you, and I really hate holding hands with most people.
21. I miss that you've never flinched away from me while I touch you.
22. I miss waking up to you and seeing you. I love that you usually wake up before me, and let me keep sleeping.
23. I miss staying in bed with you for wayyy too long because it seemed like nothing else in the world mattered while we stayed there.
24. I kinda miss the way you would sigh with relief when you touched my butt. Even though that doesn't seem like something someone would miss.
25. I miss simply being with you.

Joey I am so so sorry that I am so torn up about you being away. I'm trying really hard to be happy for you, but I feel so lonely without you. I am so unbelievably proud of everything you've accomplished. You deserve to be in Paris, you're unbelievably amazing.